Friday, October 27, 2006

Folioboston

I work downtown in Boston. Have for years. Too many years at the same boring white guy office job. Up on the 7th floor of a nondescript building near the waterfront. Years ago the block next to us was a small parking lot. Not a bad racket. Hire a parking monkey to sit in the booth and collect inflated fees from desperate people. Barely any overhead or maintenance or work. Then hit the lottery when a developer wants to buy your lot for $3,000,000 to put some high-priced condos on it.

All of us boring white guys watched from our 7th floor perch as the ground was broken and the chunks of asphalt were hauled away. Then we watched for nearly a year as they dug a slurry pit out of the ground. Trucks keeping the dust down with Seuss-like hose attachments spraying water on other trucks which had 12 foot jackhammer attachments breaking up boulders that were unearthed by other trucks with claws (not the Animal).

They'd haul truckload after truckload of greygreen goop that looked like it weighed about 10 pounds per gallon. This happened for a full year. Maybe two. Time blurs in the confines of the boring white guy office job.

Then they started building the foundation, etc. etc. Another couple years. The siding. The bricks. The windows.

Finally people actually started moving into these places. $400,000 + for maybe ... 500 square ft? We've all marveled at the prices. They may still be up on the website. www.folioboston.com

Now we watch the one tenant on our side who hasn't put shades up yet. A 30 something woman who does nothing while at home... but watch shit t.v. Two men frequent her place. One her age. One much older. Who's the sugar daddy? Both? Neither? How can a woman who watches Dancing With the Stars marathons live in a luxury apartment on the waterfront?

I'll walk in and first shift will say "TV's been on since 7:30 am to 2:00 pm. Oh and earlier old guy walked around in his tighty whities after they disappeared for a while."

The other guys from second shift will announce whenever the TV goes off and start mimicking remote control channel changing out the windows.

Last night I remarked on how sad we are after I started doing "YMCA-style" motions with my arms spelling "T.V." at her when she shut it off. Fire trucks showed up in front of the hotel across the street and my boss said "They're gonna send a guy on a ladder up to her window with a remote control to save the day by getting her T.V. back on."

I realized that we're no different really. We sit in a room on the internet. Same idiots, different box. We're getting paid though. Actually, she's probably getting paid as well. Trust fund or a sugar daddy? Lawsuit settlement?

I need to get out of this place.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My vote if for the older guy being the sugar daddy.

Extra points for bringing in a universal remote to change the channels for her.

10:37 AM  
Blogger e$ said...

I'd take a sugar daddy over an office job any day. Don't tell my fiancee.

11:34 AM  
Blogger shannoxx said...

Uh... who wouldn't take a sugar daddy over this hell on earth?

3:32 PM  
Blogger Hooker said...

Oh I'm an unabashed seeker of a sugar mama.

4:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What? No pictures?

I especially want to see the guy in the Whitie Tighties...

10:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lewis, that was totally what I was going to say (universal remote). Hooker - you have to do that!

11:30 PM  
Blogger Hooker said...

oh we're on it. we set a date for next wednesday: everyone bring in a remote and try it out.

11:44 PM  
Blogger Me said...

Oh god. This is fab. I just read it today...but wow, you guys totally have to order her some pay per view....HA!!!

12:25 PM  
Anonymous hetherjw said...

what if you change the channel and she puts up blinds? that would be the worst.

Just video her apt from your desk and webcast the whole thing.

then people in white guy office jobs (me) all over the world could join in the watching.

2:58 PM  
Blogger Hooker said...

whoa. yeah. good idea.

4:36 PM  

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