Hanging on the telephone
God this sucks ass.
I'm trying to set up a merchant account with Paypal, so I calls their Merchant Account Sales hotline thingy. Luckily it's dead at work and I can actually do this on company time, on the company dime instead of my cell phone. Boring white guy office job to the rescue.
So I'm sitting here typing with the phone crushed between my clavicle and mutton chop for oh... I think I'm on minute 21, and I decided to check the Google Analytics stats on my website.
Google Anaflah wha? Analytics. It's a sweet ass program that lets you see who is checking out your website ....and how often they do and how to market and this and that.
I don't crunch numbers or drool over graphs and pie charts though. See, I love analytics because I get to sit there with childlike wonder and stare at the magical little dots on the map of the world.
Dots? Yes. Each time a person visits your site, a little dot appears depicting the town they're in. If there is one visitor or multiple visitors from the same city, it gives you the number. As more and more wonderful dots appear I clap my hands like a chimp who's proud of himself for squeezing out links of leathery black poo in front of a big crowd of zoo-goers.
I keep two browser windows open: one to watch the delicious map of dots and another to google all the weird places I've never heard of.
Look at my sweet ass map as of November 1.
Villesse, Italy? Nice.
Clyde, Australia? Beautiful.
Spokane WA? Geehhhh... sweet. Nice.
London, Madrid, Honolulu....
DOTS
I WANT MORE DOTS
I'm trying to set up a merchant account with Paypal, so I calls their Merchant Account Sales hotline thingy. Luckily it's dead at work and I can actually do this on company time, on the company dime instead of my cell phone. Boring white guy office job to the rescue.
So I'm sitting here typing with the phone crushed between my clavicle and mutton chop for oh... I think I'm on minute 21, and I decided to check the Google Analytics stats on my website.
Google Anaflah wha? Analytics. It's a sweet ass program that lets you see who is checking out your website ....and how often they do and how to market and this and that.
I don't crunch numbers or drool over graphs and pie charts though. See, I love analytics because I get to sit there with childlike wonder and stare at the magical little dots on the map of the world.
Dots? Yes. Each time a person visits your site, a little dot appears depicting the town they're in. If there is one visitor or multiple visitors from the same city, it gives you the number. As more and more wonderful dots appear I clap my hands like a chimp who's proud of himself for squeezing out links of leathery black poo in front of a big crowd of zoo-goers.
I keep two browser windows open: one to watch the delicious map of dots and another to google all the weird places I've never heard of.
Look at my sweet ass map as of November 1.
Villesse, Italy? Nice.
Clyde, Australia? Beautiful.
Spokane WA? Geehhhh... sweet. Nice.
London, Madrid, Honolulu....
DOTS
I WANT MORE DOTS
posted by Hooker at 12:10 AM
13 Comments:
Finally FINALLY I beat you at something. I have more dots than you.
HA!
Pffff. Of course you do. You're jenny from alleyesonjenny.com.
I can't fuck with that.
Oh yeah and how about that sale today? Turkey? YOU HAVE A CLIENT IN TURKEY.
Good work.
Hooker - ME TOO! I f-ing love the dots. I worship the dots.
Hey, I want in on these dots. I use stat counter and they are not quite dot-tastic.
Dots are key.
I have that on my site. I love the dots. I even have big dots!!
***insert appropriate underhanded comments here...***
my biggest dot is in Willard NY. Never heard of it, but 24 different people dig the site there.
Now you have a dot from Petone, New Zealand.
I'm your Honolulu dot. You can check out my site and give me a Boston dot.
YES!! I FINALLY MEET MY HONOLULU DOT!
I'm on it. Boston dots for whoever wants 'em.
hmm. i should check that out myself.
i'll try to remember to hit you up when i'm out of the country.
Alabama dot. :)
Soliciting dots is a great idea :)
HELLO, ALABAMA DOT!
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