Dust and bones
I work shitty hours. 2:30 to 10:30. Well... I've worked every shift imaginable and whether it's over night, early morning or mid day... any hours in an office are shitty hours, but the previous statement still stands. I work shitty hours. 2:30 to 10:30.
So when I do get around to showering it's around 1:00 pm and I usually dry off in beams of afternoon sunlight that shine into my room like spotlights from heaven.
"Why the hell does he dry off in his room" you may ask. Well recently I started a practice that just may be one of the few rights of passage into manhood I have left to experience: The face towel... and the separate grundle towel.
That's right. Two towels. One for above the belt. One for below. I had heard of this practice over a decade ago when a friend told me of his father employing the face/grundel towels. I couldn't believe it. How decadent. How wasteful.
They said I'd like broccoli someday. And now I do. Never would have thought I'd be shoveling broccoli in with glee and using separate towels for my upper body and my (jingling bell noises).
But back to the part where I dry off in beams of light. You know how much crap flies off your body and your towel when you dry off?
Little dust particles. Dead skin. Once a girl left some lotion on my nightstand.
This stuff.
Instead of using some of the lotion on my dry ass New Englander skin, I thought it'd be cute to scratch the "Oce" off the label.
I'm still clutching the doorjamb leading to manhood as tightly as I can while the rest of the world is trying to drag me in.
So when I do get around to showering it's around 1:00 pm and I usually dry off in beams of afternoon sunlight that shine into my room like spotlights from heaven.
"Why the hell does he dry off in his room" you may ask. Well recently I started a practice that just may be one of the few rights of passage into manhood I have left to experience: The face towel... and the separate grundle towel.
That's right. Two towels. One for above the belt. One for below. I had heard of this practice over a decade ago when a friend told me of his father employing the face/grundel towels. I couldn't believe it. How decadent. How wasteful.
They said I'd like broccoli someday. And now I do. Never would have thought I'd be shoveling broccoli in with glee and using separate towels for my upper body and my (jingling bell noises).
But back to the part where I dry off in beams of light. You know how much crap flies off your body and your towel when you dry off?
Little dust particles. Dead skin. Once a girl left some lotion on my nightstand.
This stuff.
Instead of using some of the lotion on my dry ass New Englander skin, I thought it'd be cute to scratch the "Oce" off the label.
I'm still clutching the doorjamb leading to manhood as tightly as I can while the rest of the world is trying to drag me in.
posted by Hooker at 6:30 PM
5 Comments:
i hope you kept the bottle. that is genius.
you could dry your face first, and , you know, move down ward. that makes the most sense.
I'm 6'4".
There's a lot of square footage. Half of me wettens a towel.
also? if you use the towel again do you really want to wipe your face with one that wiped your ass the day before?
"I couldn't believe it. How decadent. How wasteful."
this cracked me up. happy new year hooker.
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