Monday, January 15, 2007

NYC

Well I'm home. I'll just give a list of pros and cons about the trip.

Pro: Seeing my friend Xavier and his recently-impregnated wife at their awesome house in Brooklyn.

Con: Getting a dead fish handshake from his English landlord.

Pro: Seeing X's brother Ryan at the bar he owns on Bowery.

Pro: Free shots of Jameson with our Guinness.

Con: Free shots of Jameson with our Guinness.

Pro: The bartender taking a liking to me at Edwards. All the free Patron I can stomach.

Con: Bartender at Edwards is a dude.

Pro: Being able to hang out at the bar well after last call.

Con: Waking up with one of the worst hangovers of my life on Sunday.

Pro: Pats, baby.

Con: Indy, dammit.

Pro: Singing "Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You" by Roberta Flack and Peabo Bryson with a black girl who almost sang better than Roberta herself at a kareoke bar.

Con: Getting aggresively hit on by a dude who looked like Fred from the B-52's at the kareoke bar.

Pro: Chinatown at 3 a.m.

Con: Realizing after the trip came to a close that I don't attract women. Only gay dudes. I am a boner magnet. Oh that and I look like the Geico cave man.

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I assure you there are plenty of women who are very attracted to you.

8:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah. i beg to differ with you on that as well matthew.after all, i bed your CLONE, except he cannot paint.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Hooker said...

Both of you are dudes.

9:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't speak for commenter two, but I am defintely a woman who thinks you're hot.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Hooker said...

ALL ANONYMOUS. ALL DUDES.

Don't worry about it, guys. I'm not that bummed out about it. The kareoke guy was just pretty pushy and it freaked me out.

9:50 AM  
Anonymous kiley said...

hey stupid,
you don't talk to chicks when you go out. you just stand around looking miserable. plus, your hair is retardedly long. cut it. oh, and you're all skinny and shit. you look like you do yoga instead of lift weights or some manly type of workout. if i was a gay dude and i saw you i'd be like "hmmmm... he looks tight and slender. he must do yoga. i bet he's bendy. let me at him. meeeeowwww!".

can you tell i'm pissed, peabo? eff you.

3:28 PM  
Anonymous kiley said...

oh yeah, i know it doesn't count for much coming from me, but learn how to spell karaoke.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Hooker said...

Oh can it, douchezilla. Like you haven't dueted other dudes.

11:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you cut your hair....thats effectively cutting off your penis. i had been waiting for years for you to grow it out, back when you had that whole nick lachey thing going on. stay metal. this is from anonymous person #2. i am not a male. in any sense of the word.
and the yoga enables you to rock the spandex like none other. i am sure many will agree.

2:15 AM  
Blogger Hooker said...

I've never seen so many anonymous guys cruising for balls on a blog post before.

9:54 AM  
Anonymous rc said...

i don't have much to say here... except the comments are hilarious and i'm laughing out loud.

10:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

trying to figure out a way to post a picture of my lab....i mean , tits. in spandex. and where is my smenita shirt?

2:06 PM  

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