Thursday, November 30, 2006

Age Rings on Woxy

So my roomate Ted, the ever-prolific songwriter behind the band Age Rings just called and told me of his latest feat with his record "Look.... the Dusk is Growing"

It's up on WOXY's website as "most added" for the past few months and my cover is up on the front page.

Whatsy?

WOXY

Apparently Woxy is a sweet ass radio station. Congrats, Ted. And thank you for choosing Hooker in Sweatpants LLC for your oil painting and digital layout needs.

Dammit, Boss

The one week I want my boss to be in and he's out almost every day.

I want to talk to him. Offer him a deal. Hopefully not get shut down.

I can't work full time anymore.

I'll start knocking old ladies out at random if I have to continue to give a third of my week to financial printing.

Plus I'm actually trying to do things these days. Trying to sell paintings. Trying to engineer in a recording studio. Trying to start a tattoo apprenticeship. Trying to keep playing in a band. I've chipped away at each of these things, and it's felt pretty cool to do so, but it also reminds me how rigid my life has been. How far up my ass the "man" has his hand.

I'm going to hopefully talk to my boss today. I have no idea if he's in as of press time. More later. Hopefully good news.


UPDATE

I talked to him finally.

He's open to the idea. The key was to keep the conversation geared towards the fact that I'd like to take classes, not the fact that this job makes me want to drink a bottle of bleach.

He has to research all sorts of shit. I pitched a three 8-hour day a week schedule. He needs to check with his higher ups to see if it's even possible.

At least he's open to it. Step one finished.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Vigo part 91




HERE HE IS THUSFAR.

He will be done by Tuesday the 5th for the opening of my month-long run at the Other Side Cafe.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Fell off

Man. Missing that day a week ago totally threw me off. Maybe the whole Thanksgiving thing did too a bit.

Either way I'm back. Ish.

The weekend was long and full of black out good times.

Saturday I did a session in the studio with a band called Hangover Black from 10-6. They were an interesting bunch. Their bass player had the worst gas I've ever witnessed. He looked like a yeti. Luckily I was far away enough from him in the control room that I didn't get the brunt of his ass fumes. His bandmates next to him on the couch hated life though. I finally doused him with air freshener. He ate a chicken salad sub with mustard and pickles for lunch. No wonder he was so gassy. He saw nothing wrong with his lunch of choice until he was doing vocals later on and remarked, on tape, that his "asshole feels like an upside down volcano".

After the session I was greeted by a bunch of classy broads and dudes dressed up for a strip club outing. I threw down five tacos real quick and threw my suit on. See some pics right here

The strip club was good enough. I like the upstairs better at the Foxy Lady. Little less cluttered. Couple physically flawless young women in there.

I stayed for a few drinks and then drove back to Quincy for my buddy Tacky's bachelor party. The details are spotty since I mistook my beer for a keg cup full of Jameson and downed it in a gulp, but I do remember Tacky furiously churning butter at one point. I think.

A week from today I hang my show at the Other Side cafe on Newbury and Mass Ave. Tuesday December 5th is the opening night. Come down and have drinks around 9 PM. I've been working on some new pieces specifically for this show.

www.hookermedia.com

Thursday, November 23, 2006

So this is Thursday

Oh hey check it out. I'm flying to NC to visit my mother in December. I've stated on here before, the only time I see her is on tour when we roll through NC for a night or so. No good. I only see her once a year for over a decade. So I figured it'd be nice to see her during a normal holiday time trip.

The trip is getting close and she needs some info about flights, time off work, etc. So I called her last night while I was at work in the evening.

Now this is where it gets tricky. I don't know how concise anyone else's mom is when trying to gather or relay information, but mine was as clear as mud for some reason. She couldn't finish a sentence or a thought. I couldn't finish a sentence without being cut off. She said my name after every phrase she blurted. It was chaos. It drove me to the point of snapping and I got worked up and told her that if the trip was going to be anywhere near as stressful as this phone conversation....

eh... b....I had no idea what to say. I just wanted to get the fuck off the phone.

That's when it was her turn. Being 26 and have your mom tell you you're acting like a "prick" and an "asshole" is odd. I had to think quick to difuse the situation. She was hurt and mad at me.

So...

...I explained to my mother how "normal people talk". Then I launched into a 30 second impersonation of her trying to ask me a simple question. Yeesh. Obviously we hung up on bad terms, still unresolved as of press time.

Thanksgiving.

I have the option of hitting up my great uncles' place in Cape Cod. I turned my brother's offer down for a ride earlier today.

The more I think about it, the more attractive a completely empty house is on a long rainy day off. This will be my first Thanksgiving completely alone. I've done Christmas completely alone, but not Thanksgiving.

It's my choice. Hopefully I won't regret it.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Thanksgiving? Bleh.

This year will be the first year my brother and I have neither parent around for the holidays.

The whole family get together situation is a mess. Mom's out of the question since she lives in NC and our stepfather's family are pretty much strangers.

Dad and stepmom are now in CO and even when they were here encounters with his inlaws were rare at best.

That leaves mom's siblings. One of which is going to his inlaws this year... so that leaves him out.

The grandparents don't want to come up to Quincy from Cape Cod.

My brother doesn't want to come from Western MA to Cape Cod.

I don't want to leave the house.

I think I'm going to buy a pound of black pepper deli turkey and a 12 pack of something decent and sit in the house and work on the recent commissions I've gotten:

Batman and Wonder Woman standing back to back on a rooftop on a dark Boston night. (Wedding gift commissioned by the groom)

A portrait of Joe Strummer from the Clash.

A couple truck wars paintings.

And lastly some stuff I'm working on for my upcoming show at the Other Side Cafe on Newbury st. More details on that soon.

www.hookermedia.com

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

South Dakota

According to my sweet ass map of dots on Google Analytics, South Dakota is the only state that someone hasn't seen my site from.

Anyone got a guy?

Someone tell me "Hold on. I got a guy in South Dakota."

Then tell him to hit me up.

I have admit, the only reason I have so many dots is because my site was linked on fussy.org.

Eden was nice enough to put a link to my turkey painting on her site. My numbers spiked to a scary number and it's cool as hell. I know it's gonna be short lived so I'm relishing it while I can. The map of the U.S. looks like the underside of a Nestle crunch bar.

DOTS.

But I want that damn South Dakota.

Monday, November 20, 2006

well crap

I forgot to blog yesterday. I was in the studio for twelve and a half hours recording Low Red Land

Well that knocks me out of the running for personalized baby booties and hand-stitched biker patches.

I feel I've let myself down. Like a fatty cheating on a diet in the wee hours.

Like a sprinter who forgot to tie his shoe.

Like a street with no name.

I have no idea what any of that means.



BUT. Here are some updates on stuff I'm working on. Vigo and the man himself, John McClaine.








And there are a couple new things on the site for you to check out. Well, most of you have seen the turkey painting under the acrylics section, but there's a new oil as well.

It was actually painted... maybe six or seven years ago but it has been in the posession of my friend Pia Schachter for the past few years. She was nice enough to take a few shots of it for me. Enjoy.


www.hookermedia.com

Saturday, November 18, 2006

busy weekend

This weekend will be filled with two seperate photo shoots, painting, meeting with buyers, painting more, buying canvas for truck wars orders, making love to sweet Vigo, recording my first ever full session with a band that I'm not in... Low Red Land.

SO. I'll take it easy today on the blogging and just give you a random thoughts post.

Jennifer Aniston? Dude. Same jaw as Powdered Toast Man.






Does that mean I wouldn't let her rub her bare ass on my face? No. Just saying.

Loud eaters. If you smack and nose breathe all loud while you eat you should be dragged into the library of a university and tazed repeatedly.

Dickhead jock bullies in highschool growing up to become security guards at Universities: Bad.

Dickhead jock bullies in highschool growing up to become state troopers: Worst thing ever.

Enjoy the weekend.

Mine's busy but I'm going to enjoy it.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Fleeb

First "word" that popped into my head when thinking of what to make the title of this entry. Fleeb on.

Alright tonight I'm going to bed earlier than 3. I worked a bit on a painting I was hired to do of John "Diehard" McClaine. Badass. I'm not posting it yet. It looks like a melted Bruce Willis at the moment.

I hope to wake up at a decent hour tomorrow. Not grumpy.

Man. Blogging before bed makes for some random boring crap. Such as:

Derp... dah... I stuffed myself with garlic hummus and pita and black cherry seltzer water tonight.

Geh... derrrr.... why do people feel the need to number their blogs? We all know what day it is. We're with you. You sound like alcoholics at a meeting.

Bleeeeffff ggguuh... if I had the body I'd be John McClaine next halloween.

Tom Wait's "Ruby's Arms" is mind numbingly good.

Florp.


Oh... and here's a little more of Vigo for those of you eagerly awaiting.





Hooker Media

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Is it the weather?

Why the hell can't I get out of bed before 11:30 am?

I hate this shit.

Also, does anyone live off a part time job? Full time is not conducive to everything I'm trying to do with my life. Unfortunately I'm thinking part time is not conducive to eating regularly and paying rent.

Any time I think it may be possible to quit my job and work half the hours I'm currently working, thus leaving more time to paint, I remember that winter in Massachusetts is a dirty oil-eating whore who slaps households with $500 a month bills. The uncertainty keeps me tied to the boring white guy office job like Prometheus and his boulder.

Sorry. I'm just a basket of puppies today.



In other news, I'm offering truck war paintings if anyone's interested.

Hooker Media

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Bigger than hell

Lately I've been going big.

I've juggled a handful of commissions from people who want tight, small, ultra-detailed paintings. Those are fine, and I encourage all you lurkers I've never corresponded with to email me for your own paintings, but I need some balance with canvas size.

Yeah I said lurkers. The old Google Analytics dot game has been more interesting every day. People checking my site out from Petersburg, Alaska? Ahmedebad and New Delhi, India? Belgium? Oklahoma? Anyone and everyone drop me a line. Make yourself known. It's always fun to hear from people.

Back to the bigger subject...

A few posts ago I mentioned the painting I'm going to be tackling of Vigo the Carpathian right? Well here. Check out the first night's progress.



Looks pretty good sized right? About as big as the Cliff Burton painting I did? Nope.



This painting is six friggin feet tall!

I'm going to be creeped out eternally when I finally finish it. Check back for more coverage on the Scourge of Moldavia.



I also mentioned previously that I did a banner for my band of our mascot Busifer.

Here's a better shot of the devil/Gary Busey logo.



Any bands out there want a similar banner 6 ft. by 6 ft., white on black let me know. I'm doing them for $80 a pop.

Bed time.


Hooker Media

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The glass armonica

A while ago I was standing in the kitchen at work, eating something and I flipped the usual channel, ESPN, to the History channel on the TV. It was some show about Ben Franklin.

Dude was incredible.

At that point the show was focusing on an invention that I had never heard of before. The Glass Armonica.

Long story short Ben was in Europe watching some dude play crystal glasses filled with water by rubbing his fingers along the rim of each glass (tee hee! rim! rubbing! fingers!)

Ben got to thinking and figured it must be a bitch filling each glass with just enough water to get the right pitch. So he invented the glass armonica.

Here. Play on it.

Glass Armonica

Monday, November 13, 2006

Weekend recappiness

What the hell day is it? Oh Monday? Yesterday wasn't? I'm all screwed up. Yesterday I worked a day shift which I usually only do on Mondays. But I'm being redundant... Weekend recap time.

Friday I met up with my friend Tacky and handed the original Thanos over to him. Had some beers and called it a night.

Saturday I woke up to a lovely day and was excited to be able to wear my little toy death helmet instead of my full face helmet while riding the bike. I headed up to the Bayside Expo Center to play guitar for three hours straight using a VW Bug for an amp.

It was an odd gig to say the least. I showed up and walked over to the Volkswagen area and told a dude behind the counter I was here to play guitar. He looked and sounded like Ned Flanders. "We'll yer the man then!"

He handed me the guitar and off I went.

I started just jangling through chords warming my hands up. When larger crowds would gather I'd rip solos and play riffs that people knew.

I was 5 for 5 with requests:

"Some Boston" Sure. "More Than a Feeling", comin right up.

"Hell's Bells" Right away, sir.

"Stairway" Fine.

"Stairway again" Fine. Here.

"Smoke on the Water" First riff I learned. Here, dude.

So it was a sweet way to make $60. I got to walk all over the interior of a brand new Bug while blazing riffs out of a crappy guitar.



The rest of saturday was canvas buying, as seen below, drinking and sleeping.

Sunday I worked as stated 18 times before, then grabbed a few beers at home while I recorded some acoustic solos on my friend Mark's new song

THEN... HIRAX.

We finally got to try out our new banner that I painted.

We have a long-standing obsession with pop culture and warshed up TV actors. We have a song called Tom Selleck. His face adorns the cd face of our latest release "Cathartes Aura"

Years ago I made a shirt that appeals to our metal side with the Baphomet adorning the front. But it also appeals to our penchant for Busey.

I give you...

BUSIFER



On the left. Not our drummer, the homeless Tarzan.

The show was sweet. The guys from Hirax are way too nice to be wearing that many spikes. Check them out in Rochester tomorrow. Wait... do I have Rochester dots? GIVE ME MORE DOTS.

I'm gonna go steal cold pizza from the fridge at work. Breakfast of champs.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Overtime

Stuck in work from 9-5 today. Oh well. I could use some overtime.

Played Horse with the other two guys in here with a recycling can and a crumpled piece of letter paper. I didn't win.

Now I'm listening to Tom Waits and working on a sketch for a painting that a friend of mine in West Hollywood commissioned. It'll feature Russian Jews, L.A., dirigibles, the pacific ocean, and who knows what else I come up with.

Dear friends step up and get your own painting.

This weekend I discovered some great art. You should check out Counsel Langley. Very original style.

I also hit up my new favorite art store in Avon and picked up two 4 foot by six foot canvases. I'm excited about these bad boys. One of them is going to become this....



Minus Billy Murray of course.

I just hope a river of slime doesn't start to collect in my basement.

AH. I finished the prize I'm giving away to a Nablopomo winner. Here he is:



WHO'S EXCITED?

EH?

Eh?

Oh.


www.hookermedia.com

Saturday, November 11, 2006

slow motion

This is cool as hell. Busy day. What do you want?

BAM

Friday, November 10, 2006

Free shit

Free is good. We all know this.

Right now I'm sitting in work trying to keep from exploding like Thunder from Big Trouble in Little China.



Remember that shit?

Vultures vultch. It's what we do. Any time clients pick at their sweet ass expensive lunch buffets and then leave the remainder out, we swoop down and grab the leftovers.




I believe a wise old sheep dog named Chrissie Hynde once said "Wasting food is a sin". I agree. Vultch on.

I'm currently brimming with rice, chicken, hummus and pita. If I barfed right now I could feed the citizens of New Delhi for a day. If I pooped they could all hop on, hook it to a tug boat and ride up the Yamuna river.

SO... free stuff is good.

One Saturday every month you can take a tour of Symphony hall in Boston. Free.

The Arnold Arboretum in JP. Free.

Mt. Auburn Cemetary. Free.

World's End in Hingham. Free.

Open studios in various neighborhoods in Boston. Free.

Castle Island. Free.

Qigong with ancient Chinese people in the Commons at 6:30 in the morning. Free if you know any qigong.



What kind of free shit do you like to do?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Thousands of cars and a million guitars





Thousands of cars and a million guitars
Screaming with power in the air
We've found the place where the decibels race
This army of rock will be there

To ram it down, ram it down
Straight through the heart of this town
Ram it down, ram it down
Razing the place to the ground
Ram it down




That's right. This Saturday I'll be at the Bayside Expo Center... ramming... it uh, down.

NO. I'll be playing the hell out of a First Act VW guitar from noon to 3pm. Volkswagen and First Act teamed up and made a guitar that plugs into the stereo of a new Beetle. Wacky.

Check this out.

First Act is a pretty cool company. They make some pretty out-there guitars. I dig the fact that you can go into their shop on Boylston st. and just grab stuff off the wall as you please, plug it into a VHT amp and play the hell out of it with minimal clerk interference.

I know a couple guys who work for the company and I'm glad I was asked to do it.

Any requests? I know as soon as I plug in my mind is gonna go blank.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, THANOS" PRINTS ARE HERE

Dear friends, the subject line says it all.



For the newcomers: The idea for this painting randomly popped into my head a few weeks ago. It came to fruition over a few late nights. Soon after coming up with the concept for the super villain's birthday party I was hunched over my desk in the art fortress, looking at birthday photos of people I'll never meet.

Then a few days later after working tirelessly on the blue Titan I finally got to put his facial features on. As soon as that mouth went on the canvas I lost it. Insane laughter. Never reacted to a painting like that before.

Like I've said before the original was sold within hours of me posting it, but here... finally... I have prints for sale.

I'm going to get sappy for a second.

In the past month or so since I went live with this portfolio site (a feat I've been talking about doing for five years) I've been more creative and prolific with art (a feat that I've been talking and talking about for the better part of a decade). People are interested, I'm painting, people are excitedly taking stuff home and hanging it. I've handed paintings over, I've shipped them, and now I'm offering my first signed prints. I'm fortunate as hell at the moment and I'm thankful for that.

Thank you to everyone who has flipped through every page on the site, everyone who has taken pieces home, everyone who digs my art. I'm finally living an old dream of mine at the moment and it's pretty cool thusfar.

GET YOUR HOT FRESH THANOS

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

We made ink!

INK!

You may remember a few weeks ago I blogged about the bachelorette living in the $0.4 million dollar closet of an apartment across the way from my boring white guy office job.

If not, here you go.

Well today a friend of mine sent me this article in the Boston Globe.

The other two knucklenuts I work with on second shift cackled when I showed them their quotes in the article. Joyous idiocy fills our vapid soul holes.


I'm tired. Almost to the point of hallucinating. But that's alright because last night we played to a packed house in Portland, Maine while opening for the mighty GOATWHORE.

What's a Goatwhore? A question that gets asked often.

The best was when I wore a Goatwhore shirt emblazoned with pentagrams and various satanica to a kareoke bar in Abington MA. I frightened a group of 60 year old women as I walked past them towards the stage. "MY GOD. WHAT'S A... GOAT HOOWAH?" Then I sang my smoothest rendition of "Georgia on My Mind" and melted all their crusty old heart sacs.


The show ruled. Goatwhore ruled. Sleeping on a kitchen floor in my jacket next to a cat dish for four hours before driving back to Boston did not rule... BUT ... it's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll.

This weekend we're playing with the also-mighty HIRAX at the Middle East downstairs in Cambridge. Sunday November 12th.

Random Acts of Violence

Blow the dust off those old spiked gauntlets and clutch invisible grapefruits with the rest of the black-clad mob.




Lastly....I know I keep talking about prints, but they keep getting side tracked.


SOON. I promise. I know you're all reluctantly jamming your wallets back into your pockets with a big harumph and I'm sorry. SOON PRINTS OF MY ART WILL BE AVAILABLE.

I'M TIRED AS HELL AND I JUST GOT TO WORK. PEACE OUT.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Couple New Paintings, weekend recappage

Well it's Monday. Normally there'd be a two day blank in my blogging dates but thanks to www.fussy.org the hits just keep coming.

Everyone in bloggerland agrees it's been pretty difficult thusfar blogging every day and we're only a week into it. What makes it really difficult for me though, is the fact that blogger.com has been fucking around lately. Pages are disabled, posts aren't saved, publishing impossible. Anyone else know what I'm talking about? I think we broke the website.

Friday I took the motorcycle into work. The afternoon ride in was pleasant. A little chilly. Brisk, if you will.

The ride home?
Started out chilly.
Got on the highway.
Hmmm.
This might suck ass.
Oh traffic? I'll go through Dorchester.
Get through Dorchester, start to really feel the cold on my hands. Gloves do nothing.
Every stop light down the shoreline I'm desperately trying to warm my hands, which by now feel like I've been holding ice cubes in clenched fists for ten minutes straight.

By the time I get a mile from my house I can't actually grip the throttle. I'm just rolling the blade of my palm along the grip to make the motorcycle go. I'm also subjected to my own pitiful whimpering inside my full face helmet.

I get to the house and the door is locked. I couldn't possibly use keys so I just boot the door a few times.
My roomates are perplexed and a little alarmed about the sobbing mess that just stormed into the house. They had to take my gloves and coat off for me.

They put on tea and helped me get back to normal.
There's a scene on the t.v. from "Kingdom of Heaven" where Liam Neeson was calmly getting an arrow pulled out of his trunk.
I feel like a giant pansy.

The rest of the weekend was filled with painting and printing and crap like that. Trips to art stores and the like.

I sold a painting, "1636" to Lewis that he hired me to do. Check it out on the site under the Oils section.

He also bought "Redwoods". Sorry to the other people who were sort of thinking of maybe buying it eventually.

But there's good news. There will be prints coming shortly.

Check back tomorrow for the big news.

Hooker Media

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Matador

I have these odd hankerings for odd clothing every so often. For whatever reason I think I'll actually look awesome in certain things like kilts, matador suits, samurai armor, even though I can't even make a pair of Levi's work for me. I'm close to if not 6'4" and I weigh about... 120. No I really weigh about 165, but still, I may as well weigh 120.

As you may have guessed I have no ass, no shoulders, no nothing.

Remember that old Polly-O string cheese commercial? Kids order a pizza with no sauce, no crust, no nothin... That old dude was like "Nuttin?"



That's what happened in the little pizza place inside my DNA. What the fuck am I even talking about anymore? Oh yeah... odd clothing.

No ass and no shoulders is death for anyone who wants to look totally boss regardless of the outfit. Still, I go through phases where I pine after different shit like the above mentioned outfits, thinking I'll look totally boss, further proving the fact that I'm a horses' ass.

Around my birthday that just past (9/11/80. ... '01 was my 21st bday.) I was obsessed with getting a kilt. That didn't happen. A while back I was looking for a matador suit to go with my cover band persona, Santino Santiago. I couldn't find shit. Then randomly the other night I googled image searched the word "suit" and found an awesome page.

Someone give me a grand.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

bearded oyster

You ever find a folder on your computer that you need to blow dust off of before opening? I just opened one labeled "misc pics" and in it I found a picture that made me laugh at first and then kind of frown in disgust afterwards. Here, before I give you background info, take a look at this monstrosity.



That's from September 2005 at my friend Andy and Allyson's wedding. A straight wedding in Provincetown MA. Whoda thunk it possible.

Earlier in the day before the actual ceremony we men split from the women and went around to all the little leather shops and art galleries in search of ... I have no idea. We went to a place for lunch and I had to run across the street to a tiny little lobster pot place for the ATM.

There was a jar full of water with a shot glass in the bottom of it on the counter. "Sink a quarter into the shotglass" I had a quarter. I turned to James, the other yeti next to me in the picture, and said "I can never do these goddam things" PLINK it went in.

What do I win?

Dude put a huge black glove on and grabbed me an oyster, cut it open and set it down on the counter.

The hell do I do now?

I grabbed it nervously and shot it back.

Ever since then I dig oysters.

The ceremony was just before sunset that day. We all started drinking around 3:00 pm. I videotaped the ceremony and at one point my hand comes into the frame and "crushes" the justice of the peace's head. We were standing on the shores of the Atlantic and she didn't know which way East was.



Later on after the ceremony and the dinner we all went out to a kareoke bar that was advertised as a big drag night. We all walk in and of course I'm the only dickhead other than the host dressed in drag. Oh well. I got some free drinks that night.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Finally my liner has arrived.

People who've read this humble blog since the beginning (only a few months ago) may remember that I am working on a tattoo artist apprenticeship over at Pino Bros in Cambridge.

It's been a slow process. A skin disease course. A blood disease course. CPR certification. Finding an artist willing to take an apprentice on. Everyone, meet Ben. Ben will be my mentor from here on out.



I hear he eats beaver like a champ too, ladies.

Since the first day I went by the shop to check out how tattoo machines work I've been working on getting all the equipment I need to start tattooing. There's quite a bit that I have to buy. The first piece of the puzzle I picked up was a "liner". The type of machine used to ... make lines. I have yet to buy a shader, but that will come next.

Most websites that sell machines won't sell to anyone without tattoo credentials. I found a seller on ebay that didn't mind the fact that I have no tattoo experience. I picked up this beauty for a decent price and, after a fucking month of finger biting, paypal complaint filing and angry emailing, I got the machine tonight.

FINALLY. I'm ultra excited about this. Cannot wait.



My roomate Marc got home and I yelled "DUDE... LOOK WHAT I GOT" at him while thrusting the machine towards him. He inspected it up close and went ... "It's... is it a music box?"

Bzzzzzt. Tattoo liner.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Hanging on the telephone

God this sucks ass.

I'm trying to set up a merchant account with Paypal, so I calls their Merchant Account Sales hotline thingy. Luckily it's dead at work and I can actually do this on company time, on the company dime instead of my cell phone. Boring white guy office job to the rescue.

So I'm sitting here typing with the phone crushed between my clavicle and mutton chop for oh... I think I'm on minute 21, and I decided to check the Google Analytics stats on my website.

Google Anaflah wha? Analytics. It's a sweet ass program that lets you see who is checking out your website ....and how often they do and how to market and this and that.

I don't crunch numbers or drool over graphs and pie charts though. See, I love analytics because I get to sit there with childlike wonder and stare at the magical little dots on the map of the world.

Dots? Yes. Each time a person visits your site, a little dot appears depicting the town they're in. If there is one visitor or multiple visitors from the same city, it gives you the number. As more and more wonderful dots appear I clap my hands like a chimp who's proud of himself for squeezing out links of leathery black poo in front of a big crowd of zoo-goers.

I keep two browser windows open: one to watch the delicious map of dots and another to google all the weird places I've never heard of.

Look at my sweet ass map as of November 1.




Villesse, Italy? Nice.
Clyde, Australia? Beautiful.
Spokane WA? Geehhhh... sweet. Nice.
London, Madrid, Honolulu....

DOTS

I WANT MORE DOTS

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

THANOS: Ruiner of boners

A little while ago a buddy of mine from Texas posted the following on a messageboard that I linked my portfolio on...


worst shit ever. woke up this morning, got ready, put on clothes, got ready to spank before work, sat down, commenced the stroke, looked up, saw "happy birthday, thanos" (my new desktop background), I fucking lost it laughing at his face while I sat there faggotly holding my piece.

i waited until lunch


I'm touched deeply. I never knew the power of my artwork until today. I can keep men in their 20's from playing with themselves. I'm doing you a favor. You'll go blind if you keep that up. (Keep that up! Ayohhh!)

Since finishing the painting I've had about a dozen people offer to buy it. I'm honored, but unfortunately he was sold within about four hours of me posting the picture on my website. I even had a Canadian come calling. I'm international, dude! Right then.

However, I've arranged to do signed prints. I'm setting up options to buy things directly from my site with a either a credit card or Paypal and the prints should be done within two weeks. I'll definitely let everyone know when they are available.

In other news, today marks the first day of Nablopomo, a brainchild of M. Kennedy, super blogger and creator of Fussy.org.

I'm happy to say that she's chosen me to provide one of the prizes for a winning blogger who will be chosen at random at the end of the month. Someone will be receiving an 8x10 painting from me. When it's finished I'll throw a picture up for sure.

If you haven't signed up for Nablopomo and are up for the challenge of blogging every day of November... click the link and get to it.